by Jerold J. Kreisman (Author), Hal Straus (Author)

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I found this book to be very useful in helping me understand the behavior of a woman with whom I was involved. It was recommended to me by my therapist who was treating me for depression because of the traumatic relationship I had with a borderline.

Kreisman and Straus do an excellent job of explaining the root causes, behaviors, and treatment of the disorder as well as coping skills for dealing with a person with BPD [Borderline Personality Disorder]. Although the relationship was turbulent and ended disastrously, I found a great deal of comfort in the book because it explained how and why a borderline behaves the she does. I learned that I indeed had narcissistic tendencies which drew me toward women with clinging and idealizing behavior, but then devaluating and vengeful behavior. Basically I was involved in a hostile/dependent ( narcissistic / borderline ) relationship. It made me take a serious look at my self. I also have learned to be a lot more cautious about who I relate with in my life.

Borderlines are not evil, just very vengeful and scared people. If you are involved in any capacity with someone who exhibits primitive idealization, devaluation, omnipotence, projection, or projective identification and seems irrational, this person may have BPD. This book will help you learn principles to help cope with a borderline. I sure wish I had access to it when I was involved with one.

I think this is among the books which have had the most positive impact on my life. This book will help you identify and understand borderline behavior as well as cope with those who are afflicted with this misunderstood and painful disorder. I hope you will find it useful as I have.~A Reader

Click I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality to get your copy today!

Book Description

"AM I LOSING MY MIND?"

People with Borderline Personality Disorder experience such violent and frightening mood swings that they often fear for their sanity. They can be euphoric one moment, despairing and depressed the next. There are an estimated 10 million sufferers of BPD living in America today -- each displaying remarkably similar symptoms:

• a shaky sense of identity

• sudden violent outbursts

• oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection

• brief, turbulent love affairs

• frequent periods of intense depression

• eating disorders, drug abuse, and other
  self-destructive tendencies

• an irrational fear of abandonment and an
  inability to be alone

For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But now, for the first time, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families to understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction.

READER'S COMMENTS ON I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

"I Hate You, Don't Leave Me", is a short and (bitter) sweet book on the topic of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This book provides tangible and lucid examples and/or case studies in order to understand the disorder and the pathology it develops from. The examples and/or case studies are painted in story format and are very easy to digest and read practically in story format.

In my experience with BPD I have discovered that this disorder is usually misdiagnosis as another disorder, such as Bipolar Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Schizophrenia or just plain old Depression. This book also tries to remove any conjectures in regards to myths about BPD. For instance, that this disorder only effects women or only transpires if there is a history of abuse. It provides the information in black and white. However, there is a strong legend for the rest of the information that mainly is gray. ~J.E.H.

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

This book is an absolute must read for someone who knows little or nothing about BPD. If you want to know more be sure to order this book you will be glad you did.~Christy

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Don't give up! If you want to save your relationship, this is the book to read for both of you.~R.M.

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

I encourage all newly diagnosed BPD individuals to find the time to read this alone. This is a time for learning about oneself and this book is integral. For those who haven't read it in 5 or more years, it may be time to reread as one reexperiences the struggles that make this illness so debilitating and socially paralyzing.~Darlene S.

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

This is a great book. I already have a copy and I bought this one as a gift for my daughter, who expressed interest in the topic. I would highly recommend this book to both professionals and laypeople. It is an easy read with nice clear examples and professional references.~Tama E.

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

I've known for a while that something was definitely not right with me. After reading a brief description of BPD, and upon recommendation from a friend, I picked up this book. It has impacted my life more than I can say. 75% of the book is now highlighted, and at parts I almost burst into tears. How someone could take daily struggles and print them in paperback was beyond me. Identifying the problems haven't eliminated them, but have helped me to start working through them and seek help. I would recommend this book to anyone directly or indirectly coping with Borderline Personality Disorder. It didn't make me want to kill myself; it made me want to learn more about the disorder and how to resolve it.~Stephanie

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Finally a book that explains BPD in simple words. While reading this book, I kept wondering how the author had read my mind and put them in words with this publication. Being envolved with someone with BPD, I had often known that something was wrong but couldn't pin point it. Often, I thought that I was the insane one in the relationship. Finally, when it was brought to my attention that he might be suffering from BPD, I was recommended this book. The book is simple to read, yet it address the condition and its symptoms. It also talks about how to seek help and communicate with someone effected with BPD. This book helped me get over my doubts and insecurities about myself and realize that the problem, which was a textbook condition, lied with my partner. I can only imagine how many people out there are envolved with individuals with BPD and are suffering in those relationships!~Lovebooks

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Well-written; easy to understand! Having witnessed firsthand the ravages of someone with BPD, this is the first book I've read that captures your interest and attention almost immediately, and expresses the entire matter in terms that those of us who are not "health care professionals" can understand, RELATE TO and LEARN FROM.

Unlike other books that discuss the affliction and leave you feeling a little confused, this one hits the mark.

One small nit - the quality of both the paper used and print itself leaves a lot to be desired. Looks like it was printed using a 10 year old inkjet with a bad black cartridge - in fairness, you CAN read all of the words. Perhaps I just got a "Monday morning" copy...~Mark M.

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

This book explains borderline personality disorder using a simple language and clear examples. Recommended even to those who do not know much about the borderline pathology.~Eliana

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Essential Reading for those with BPD. When I first discovered this book, I found this book and the title alone summed up all of my relationships I had had up to that time (I was only 19). It was as if someone had written a book about me, I was relieved that I wasn't the only person in the world who went through what I was going through. I was able to take a look at my behaviors and make a conscious effort to change them. For years this book was essential reading for anyone involved in a relationship with me. If you are Borderline or love someone that is, your life will improve at least a bit after reading this book.~Raynne

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

What an eye opener!!! This book was recommended by my therapist to help me deal with my girlfriend and her BPD. I have been a Registered Nurse for 26 years and had never even heard of the things that this book taught me. It saved our relationship by educating me. I learned how not to play into it and make it worse. I also read, "Walking on Egg Shells".~Rick

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me. This is a great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder.~S.S.

If you have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual to other are understandable and can be explained and treated. This book explains the difference between this BPD and other mental illnesses. Many BPD's have other concurrent mental problems and treating a personality disorder is very different than say treating bipolar disorder.

This book saved my relationship by helping me understand the BPD in my life and helping that person to understand what the disorder has meant in terms of our relationship. A wonderful book, buy it now.~Jan K.

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Recovery from codependence. Few books have changed my life. This one has. I highly recommend it for anyone who is:
1. In a relationship with a BP
2. Recovering from a relationship with a BP
or
3. Considering a relationship with a BP.

I'm a number 2. First and foremost the book will relieve you of a lot of guilt and longing, since you will stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong. And if you had a true experience, I'm sure a lot of things went wrong.

The book is worth it for the first 50 pages alone. Just by reading those pages you'll have a feel for what your getting into with a BP. The characterizations and lists of traits, with good examples, are accurate and understandable.

How has the book changed my life? After 3.5 years with an enthralling, fascinating, brilliant and sexy BP as my girlfriend and ultimately, my fiance, well, I had to call the police on her once too often and she left the state. Now she is asking to come home. The book gave me a clear understanding of how intense my commitment must be, and how much I must sacrifice to try it again. The relationship had left me near-suicidal, depressed, and feeling unworthy of another relationship. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS, NOW I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE. I know much of it is NOT my fault. So I've decided to move on. The book did that.~Bob

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Answers at last! This book was very informative on BPD. The case studies included were very helpful in helping to understand more clearly. This book is user friendly. I ran through this book very quickly, I had a hard time putting it down. After reading this book I felt so much more informed about BPD which seems to be a mystery to so many.~D

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

A Must Read Book on Borderline Personality. I wanted to thank you for writing this book. It helped me bring back my sanity. I'm beginning to heal and understand the behavior of someone I used to love and care about, who literally put me through hell.

I had a very painful relationship with a woman two years ago and I couldn't make sense what was going on with her at the time. She was in her late 20's and has been going through many relationships with different guys and had a 12 year old daughter and a 5 year old son -- both kids by different men. She had her daughter when she was 15. As I learn more about BPD, I recognize that impulsiveness is one its characteristic features. This woman was very impulsive and was ready to have sex or get married with someone who she just got to know for a very short time. And her emotions were fluctuating from one moment to the next, triggering an outburst at some minor thing. She could be very sweet and seductive at one moment and then turn into someone cruel and vindictive -- a complete 180 degree change from an angel to a monster. If I ignored her, she'd say I didn't love her enough and if I showered her with gifts, she'd accuse me of smothering her. Anyway, she lived in another state and I went to visit her for a week -- and her moods would change from appearing very happy at one moment to crying the next. She also had almost paranoid delusions about people trying to hurt her. I didn't know what to do. I tried to be patient und understanding. I went back to Connecticut, hoping we could continue seeing each other. And then I started learning about her bisexuality and her sleeping around. Anyway, she would always lie to protect herself and I couldn't tell at one point what was truth and what was fiction anymore. She would also accuse me of things that I hadn't done. And the more I tried to understand her, the more I saw that she had no real sense of self -- she was like a chameleon, being different things to different people. I learned from her that she was belittled and humiliated by her mother and molested by her stepfather. That could well explain her lack of a real self.

Anyway, she ended up cutting all contact with me and marrying another guy, who is nine years younger than her. It was a nightmare that led to my depression and hospitalization for two weeks. I finally understand that it's not my fault. Borderline personality disorder is destructive for everyone involved. I studied psychology in college and I'm now beginning to appreciate some of the insights that I gained. BPD is very real, and I think people can recover from it if they recognize the problem.

I do hope that many more people will read this book and learn about the reality of BPD. It has helped me in my healing process. I would highly recommend it to anyone, who's been trying to understand it.

--Alexander Shaumyan, poet, author of "The Spirit of Rebellion"

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

A MUST in Psychoeducation! This book saved me from eventual self destruction and led me to seek further resources on BPD recovery. Though it was written several years ago, it remains a classic in the literature. I have disseminated numerous copies of this book to mental health professionials,members of the clergy,and other fellow borderlines since I initially aquired it. ALL who received it benefited highly in finally understanding,in depth,the INTENSE and relentless anguish,pain and despair that those of us with BPD suffer from on a DAILY basis.Extremely insightful,INTERESTING,and thought provoking,"I Hate You Don't Leave Me!" contains quite a wealth of material for such a small and so reasonably priced volume. I recommend this book as a "starter" for recovering borderlines and ALL the significant others in their lives who must cope with them.~LadyJune

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

One of the best books out there on Borderline Personality Disorder. I purchased this book for a friend. She wanted to give it to her Doctor. She was so impressed with this book she wanted everyone to read it. It is very well thought out and easy to understand for the lay person. A must read if have Borderline Personality Disorder or just know someone that does.~C.W.

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Things Become Clearer. This book defines a condition that has baffled us - BPD. Suspicions are confirmed, and perhaps courses of action are opened to us that we didn't have before. We recommend this book if someone close to you is frightening you with their behavior. It can enable you to take action, or at least better understand what's going on.~Roger

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

This book is well written, easy to understand, and very much geared towards the lay person.

From a personal standpoint, it has been incredibly helpful and informative, and I have found great solace in it. Knowing that there is a reason for some of the crazy behaviours that used to make me question my sanity, has brought a greater sense of acceptance and peace... not so much internal battling that I'm mad and I'm a bad person because of it. Love it; bought it for several friends, who have also found great meaning, affinity and relief from it.

I don't imagine it's for everyone, but if the title of the book resonates with how you feel, it's for you... and it's also probably for everyone in your life who loves you.~N.J.T.

RE: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Saved my sanity! I have been married to a borderline personality for 16 years. I love him, but it has been very, very hard sometimes...no, a lot of the time. I was getting to the point of wondering if it was me; what was I doing wrong? This book helped me to understand that the signs I was seeing were real. It helped me to clarify for myself that I probably will never be able to make it better for him....no matter what I do or don't do. At least I'm armed with some understanding, which feels so good after so long and after so many people told me that it's "just the way he is." I wish I had read this much sooner. I see these same traits now in my 15-year-old daughter. Hopefully, it's not too late to get help for her so that she won't live out her life in such turmoil and pain.~D.V.G.

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